My Mother; Mary Poppins

One woman's struggle to accomplish basic tasks.

My Mother; Mary Poppins

I am a pathologically untidy person. I have never in my life felt an urge to clean, only the necessity. Adulthood for me is realising that you need to keep chipping away at it so the mess doesn't get beyond control until you’re some mad person sitting in waist deep rubbish and clothes.

I always tease my mum that it is her fault she has children that cannot keep a tidy house. Her compulsive need for order and control robbed us of learning basic life skills. As a child and even a teenager I didn't need to tidy my room or make my bed and there were no allotted chores to earn spending money. Instead we basically had a live-in maid that only fell short with the lack of a little chocolate on the pillow. Although we did get love hearts on Valentine's Day.

It's nonsense really. I've always known how to clean and I'm a more than proficient cook due to the tutelage of my mum. But, I’ll never achieve the “show home” standard. Criticism of unobtainable ‘insta perfect' houses has prompted many ‘family influencers’ to show shots of the clutter just outside the frame, even prompting clean queen herself, Mrs Hinch to show us the snapshot of the carnage of her kids playroom. The problem with normal sized houses is the carnage is in the living room. Despite this trend, I will never believe anyone is as messy as me or struggles to keep a tidy home as much as I do. I can wash and dry clothes (now I have a tumble dryer) but putting them away seems to take weeks, washing dishes drives me insane and I have no room for a dishwasher. I completely forgot that the floors and the bathroom are due to be cleaned so often that I have to set alarms on my phone.

Having children has made me a more competent housekeeper, before I had kids I would simply avoid being in the house. I bought new clothes rather than washing them more times than I care to admit and I used to frequently turn up at my mum's door with bin liners of clothes when the task had been put off so long that it was completely unachievable. It has been a while since I’ve needed to do this (all hail the tumble dryer) but knowing the option to call upon her whenever I can’t cope is a security blanket I can’t let go of. It always seemed as though my mum must have Mary Poppins style magical powers. I grew up in a home that never seemed to have a backlog of washing, was always clean and tidy and we were always greeted with a home cooked meal. Freezer meals were never on the menu. At this point you'd probably assume she was a stay at home mum but she always worked full time, at times she worked multiple jobs and at 40 she went back to university while holding down two part time jobs.

So, If my mum could manage such a heavy load, why can’t I accomplish even half of what she provided. It actually took a breakdown to my therapist to come to the realisation that maybe I wasn't the weird one. The most profound thing I was ever told was “you have never finished cleaning”. It was the awakening I needed. I didn't need to stop cleaning when it was ‘finished’ and end up burnt out trying to achieve the impossible. We live in our houses, they'll never be showhomes and there’ll never be nothing to do, it's just a constant rolling of tasks.

But, how did my mum achieve such a flawless home? She never sat down. I remember one New Year's Day in my twenties, my mum and I were both hungover and Jumanji was on TV.

“I’ve never seen that,” she proclaimed. How has she never watched a film that I’d watched multiple times as a child?

It took us 4 hours to watch a 1 hour and 44 minute film! I realised how she never watched this film or anything else for that matter. She couldn’t sit still. Every time she nipped out of the room to complete a task I paused. In the course of watching that film she turned the washing over, made lunch, prepared dinner, ironed my younger sister's school uniform ready for the school year and so on. Other mums might be reading this thinking yeah that's a mothers load but this was New Year's Day and she was supposed to be relaxing and hungover! To her, she was relaxing; this was a light load of tasks! I realised she'd never actually relaxed in my entire life. She now jokes that Jumanji is the only film she's seen all the way through and claims she's much better and switching off and having a break, although I’m yet to see the evidence.

Despite the realisation that my mum had an inability to sit still I still spent the next ten years beating myself for being so messy. But, I have the ability to switch off and after years of feeling unworthy now I’m actually grateful I do. I can shut the kitchen door, pretend a sink full of dirty dishes and piles of washing isn't there and be able to sit and watch a film or read a book with my kids. Once my kids are in bed I don't care what state the kitchen is in, that is my time to either delve into a book of my own, watch something on Netflix or just catch up with my partner. I work hard to keep my home clean and my life as organised as possible but I’ve accepted I don’t possess the powers of Mary Poppins to click my fingers and complete a task. Cleaning will never calm me down or quiet my brain like it does for some people and I’m ok with that. Don’t get me wrong I relish in the calm of a clean and tidy house on my more productive days or more often, the days my partner takes over. But, a little bit of mess and a few dirty dishes never killed anyone so I’ll continue to shut the kitchen door and forget about it and feel lucky that I can do that

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